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two days in ...

Posted on 2005.08.31 at 08:36
ok two days in and no chocolate!!! not bad .. havent been too hungry but have struggled a little bit, but have kept my resolve.

i know from experience that the first week is the worst ... geez it sounds like going on detox or something, well i guess it is in some ways ...

my flake is still sitting in the fridge...

smile

it begins today ..

Posted on 2005.08.29 at 12:49
Current Mood: determineddetermined
ok, i cant believe how busy i have been since i got back from the UK, last night was the first evening that everyone was home ...

so things are back to normal, well there is no normal in my life, but i am ticking over.

i have made a lifestyle decision though, i am so sick of being overweight, the stupid thing is i dont eat that badly, ok i have a few splurges every now and again, but seriously i thought i ate well ... but i need to break the cycle .. i would like to lose 20kg .. most people tell me i dont need to lose that much, but there is nothing worse than just feeling so so foul. my asthma has been so bad this year, i am wondering whether my weight is a contributing factor, and well i would like to look and feel attractive ... i know that is stupid, its whats on the inside that counts blah blah blah ... but in all reality its hard to feel attractive carrying so much fat ...

so off i go ... i weighed in at 85kg this morning and i am determined ... i am recording here to keep me on track and hopefully make myself stronger and healthier in the process...

smile
Posted on 2005.08.24 at 09:46
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
is it that hard to enjoy my company ... i thought i was a resonable person to be around ... but it just doesnt seem like it ...

smile

mornings .....

Posted on 2005.08.24 at 09:07
Current Mood: rushed..rushed..
ok ... try this ... running around trying to get three young children out of the house and in the school ground so that we can buy the bookclub books, in the 15 minutes, before the bell that we are allowed on the school grounds ...

i can safely say after this mornings efforts ... i am amazed we get out of the house at all ...

smile

blocked toilets, a dead fox and late night phone calls

Posted on 2005.08.23 at 09:05
Current Mood: impressedimpressed with todays youth
well what a weekend it was, we ran a leadership course for 27 Venturers and it was amazing. i continue to be inspired by these young people who take charge, gain control and learn about themselves. maybe we can make a difference in the world of scouting ....

mind you no great event is without its bizarre interruptions .... late night toilet blockage on saturday night .. tried to call the person in charge of hiring us the hall, unfortunately too many beers later he wasnt much help (we love him dearly but my goodness!!!) ... so off we trotted to a group leaders house, got keys for another hall and took carloads of teenage girls to the toilets before bed time. on the way to said hall, we saw what we believed to be a dead dog in the middle of the road... so our young leader in charge (one of the venturers who had taken charge quite admirably) decided she needed to move the animal off the road .. so at the 2nd hall we picked up a shovel, some rope and some gloves ... only to arrive back and discover that it was in fact a fox. so, we moved it off the road and as we drove off, we discovered that we had kindly deposited it at a bus stop .. oh dear, they were in for a surprise.

well about an hour later i suppose, 1am i received i phone call, rather stressful in the end and i think actually made me angrier than feeling better .. why is it that it takes alcohol before some people can have a conversation that means something. so at 2.20am i stumbled back inside from the cold and rain and sit down next to a very good friend who was worried and had tried to stay awake... it helps when someone understands, you dont have to say anything but will just be there ..

so that was my weekend, coupled with a shocking asthma attack which snuck up on me and almost caused me to blackout on the bbq ...

well it was fantastic weekend and we are hoping to be able to run plenty more of them over the next few years ... go get em guys!


smile

rain ....

Posted on 2005.08.19 at 12:58
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
i hate the rain .. especially when i need to go out .. and my children are feral!!!!!

smile

work, scouts and 150 kids

Posted on 2005.08.18 at 20:12
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: all for believing: missy higgins
well that was my day, performing in front of 6 classes of about 25 kids each .. selling scouting and encouraging them to give the local scout group a try .. and next week I go to the "Come n Try" and see if my promotional skills are any good. i am knackered .. it was a full on day ... but atleast this one came off. on tuesday i drove the hour to the school i was rostered on to see .. and guess what .. they werent expecting me, so after running around all morning getting the kids organised, racing off at 7.30am i had to turn around and come home again ... oh dont worry i will be claiming the mileage and the 2 hours work, it wasnt my fault they didnt know.... but then it is, as i was too chicken to ring the school in the first place (what can i say ... i am not telemarketer ... i was almost physically sick, so i balked and sobbed to my boss and someone else did the ringing. so out of this experience, i am determined to try and do the cold sell myself, i need to conquer this ... i will ring schools atleast the day before to make sure we are actually due in and well i will take my lunch (cos weird kranski form the corner deli just doesnt make it).

so that was my day ... but other than tuesdays fiasco it has been a really good week, and i am feeling positive about things, well in a little way, shelly rang and asked to have a meeting to see if i want to run some scrapbooking/cardmaking classes which could be fantastic, and mean some pay. i got contacted to do some creche/face painting work at a school (its only 1 shift of 2 hours but all good and should be fun) and i got contacted about a regular creche to run, that i can take my kids to. so even if they pay is crap i will probably be in front as i wont have to pay childcare fees!

i am feeling whole inside, im not sure why, or what i did to achieve this (i really should find out as i am sure i will need it again) .. i feel strong enough to come to terms with other things in my life, well atleast to try, i need to accept that i cannot change things so therefore to move past them. this in itself is painful, as i was prepared to change everything ... but maybe i dont need to, ah human emotion, what an unknown it is ...

smile

finish the things you started ....

Posted on 2005.08.16 at 12:45
Current Mood: amusedamused
Ok in need of email joke relief .. and well this one kinda tickled the funny bone :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me. In today's
hectic world we all could use a little calm. By following the simple advice
I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace.

The article read:

"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."

So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished........ and before leaving the house this morning I finished a
bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild
Turkey, the Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how much better I feel....... You may pass this on to those
you feel are in need of Inner Peace :)

smile

where to go now

Posted on 2005.08.15 at 14:24
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable .... no words
well its been somewhat of a traumatic couple of months, within myself i have changed my mind, questioned my life, and well, been places and felt things i probably shouldnt have. but that being said a sense of calm is starting to wash over me. i am still so unsure of myself when it comes to work, i think i am one of those people that has to work, im not real good at being the stay at home mum, dont get me wrong i love the boys and cherish every second i am with them, but i still feel something is missing.

i have this urge to study, to conquer something new .. sam wants to support me but doesnt want me to study just for study's sake, he believes that it should be towards my career .. and well of course it will be, but a huge part of it is .. study for study's sake ... dont know, i like the sound of the social science (human services) degree http://www.unisa.edu.au/study/progcourses/undgradpdf/Social_Work&Human.pdf (hmm gotta work out html properly...hopeless). oh well time will tell, maybe its too late to change career path, or just too hard.

i have been getting my scouting stuff organised and am starting to feel on top of that again. am cooking for 30 venturers on the weekend as they do their leadership course, so that will be good. it is great to have so many on the course, we normally have to cancel them cos noone applies.

next comes my friendships ... why is it that i am determined to cause such a problem, why cannot i just accept friends for friends sake ... i have to attach so much energy and emotion to it and then, of course they run ... please dont run, i need you part of my life ... my insecurities cause me to question my friendships, i mean honestly why the hell would anyone want to be friends with me, what do i have to offer ... and ok, i dont really mean that, but it some ways i still do, it is a struggle.

well one day at a time ... ok back to work, enough distraction ....

smile

frustration

Posted on 2005.08.14 at 15:57
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated ....
i have way too many things to do, and just dont know where to start, i feel at such a loose end and desperately want to get back to bungling along one thing at a time ....


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